Because of the emptiness I began to experience so many years ago, I excessively engaged in drugs and alcohol, using substances in an attempt to fill myself. I was fully immersed in this lifestyle and became an alcoholic.
My friend Brent had been spending time with me, working to help me better understand the origins of my emptiness. He often insisted that I use a dictionary and investigate the words we use to describe our lives. Several years into our friendship, Brent asked me to investigate the word ‘alcoholic’.
I opened my Webster’s Fourth Edition and found that long ago, alcoholics were called dipsomaniacs. Webster defined dipsomania as an unquenchable thirst. Curious, I looked up the word ‘alcohol’ and discovered it had long been referred to as ‘spirits’.
There it was—I had an unquenchable thirst for spirit. This realization was the catalyst to my awakening. Brent smiled and insisted that I simply sit with this understanding. He suggested that any attempt to struggle with my thirst for alcohol would only enforce it.
I continued using substances to fill my emptiness, and Brent continued to provide bits and pieces of understanding regarding who and what I am. Long story short, one potent experience caused me to realize that it was time to step into a new dynamic. It was time to step into and fill myself with the ever-present spirit of my true Self.
Throughout each day I now try to find my awareness, bring it to the front of my current experience, and remember who and what I am. This exercise strengthens my true Self and dissolves my small self.
I sometimes use this invocation to anchor myself in awareness.
“Today I will abandon my search
and consciously admit that I am now the very being I have been looking for.
I accept, without resistance, my true identity as an expression of non-dual divinity.
I accept, with eyes wide open, that everyone and everything I experience
is also the expression of this non dual mysterious divinity,
endlessly, non-judgmentally expressing itself.
In this recognition, regardless of the outward appearances,
I accept that peace, happiness and perfection is the very nature of the mystery
I Am.”